Hi! We’re expert thing makers like you.Me:
Great! How can we help you?Client:
Our thing is brokey-broke. We can’t fix it. Our experts can’t fix it. Other experts can’t fix it. The people who built the original thing can’t fix it. We need your help.Me:
Great. What’s your budget?Client:
Oh, we think you’ll only need a few hours.Me:
So… um… sure. Let me see what I can do.
[sends promotional swag as thank you gift for fixing their thing.]Me:
Thank you for the gift.Client:
Glad you like it!Me:
I never said I liked it.
I would like to build a thing that will rival MAJOR WEBSITE.Me:
We can do that. MAJOR WEBSITE took millions of dollars and several years to develop. What’s your budget and timeline?Client:
I need this in 90 days and I have $5K.Me:
Thank you for calling Things and Things, the premiere experts in these things and these things.Client:
I need you to do a thing.Me:
You’re in luck! We do things!Client:
What kind of things do you do?Me:
We do these things and these things.Client:
Do you do those things?Me:
No. We do these things and these things.Client:
How about the other things?Me:Client:Me:
Client: If I call you because my thing is broken, can you fix it like yesterday?
Me: I’m sorry. We don’t work yesterdays.
Client: Hi. We’d like a simple custom thing. It’s simple, so it shouldn’t be expensive.
Me: Have you looked at pre-made things?
Client: Yes. They don’t do exactly what we want.
Me: Then what you want isn’t simple, is it?
Client: We paid your competitor $XXX for the thing.
Me: Great, how can I help you?
Client: It dinna work. Can you fix it?
Me: (looks at thing) it needs a rebuild. The thing will cost $XXXX
Client: But we already paid $XXX!
Me: Not to us.
Client: OMG I need you to make this thing for me right away! It’s super important and I can’t live without it!
Me: Great, what’s your budget?
Client: Money isn’t an issue. I just need the thing right away!
Me: Great, the thing will cost $XXXX
Me: Did you still want the thing?
Client: I guess I don’t need the thing.