The Thing – Part 8

Client: Hi! We’re expert thing makers like you.
Me: Great! How can we help you?
Client: Our thing is brokey-broke. We can’t fix it. Our experts can’t fix it. Other experts can’t fix it. The people who built the original thing can’t fix it. We need your help.
Me: Great. What’s your budget?
Client: Oh, we think you’ll only need a few hours.
Me: So… um… sure. Let me see what I can do.

The Thing – Part 7

Client: [sends promotional swag as thank you gift for fixing their thing.]
Me: Thank you for the gift.
Client: Glad you like it!
Me: I never said I liked it.

The Thing – Part 6

Client: I would like to build a thing that will rival MAJOR WEBSITE.
Me: We can do that. MAJOR WEBSITE took millions of dollars and several years to develop. What’s your budget and timeline?
Client: I need this in 90 days and I have $5K.
Me: Huh.

The Thing – Part 5

Me: Thank you for calling Things and Things, the premiere experts in these things and these things.
Client: I need you to do a thing.
Me: You’re in luck! We do things!
Client: What kind of things do you do?
Me: We do these things and these things.
Client: Do you do those things?
Me: No. We do these things and these things.
Client: How about the other things?
Me: GOTO 10

The Thing – Part 3

Client: Hi. We’d like a simple custom thing. It’s simple, so it shouldn’t be expensive.
Me: Have you looked at pre-made things?
Client: Yes. They don’t do exactly what we want.
Me: Then what you want isn’t simple, is it?

The Thing – Part 2

Client: We paid your competitor $XXX for the thing.
Me: Great, how can I help you?
Client: It dinna work. Can you fix it?
Me: (looks at thing) it needs a rebuild. The thing will cost $XXXX
Client: But we already paid $XXX!
Me: Not to us.

The Thing – Part 1

Client: OMG I need you to make this thing for me right away! It’s super important and I can’t live without it!
Me: Great, what’s your budget?
Client: Money isn’t an issue. I just need the thing right away!
Me: Great, the thing will cost $XXXX
Me: Did you still want the thing?
Me: Hallooooooo
Client: I guess I don’t need the thing.